Is It Really Worth It?

I went through a spell
Where I was alone; no one
I thought it was the worst
Going through the day; missing someone
Not knowing if I would ever find them
Now, I have found a few
The feeling of love is new
Yet I'm also in torment; most days
Over the strength of friendship
Always wondering how much I'm valued
How much I'm trusted; where I stand
Not a best friend; nor a casual one
I'm somewhere in between; yet where?
Secrets are kept from me; rules are made
So I'm wondering; is it overrated?
For while others enjoy friendship without thought
I question the strength of it
Am I a best friend; am I just another "friend"
What am I to those I call my friends?
Trying to interpret actions and words for what they mean
You may say I'm valued and trusted
Yet you show me otherwise
So complicated my life has become
I sometimes miss the old days
When I was alone; yet wasn't tormented
Over the things kept from me
When I had no one to love; maybe it's better
Lately, I'm wondering if it is
To just go through life without companions
Sounds like a pain to be alone
Yet what I'm feeling now; how can it be any worse?